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So as I was getting ready for this week’s hike, I was feeling a little stressed out. I usually like to give myself a minimum window of three hours in which to do the 4.2 mile loop so that I can stop here and there, take pictures, journal, and just generally enjoy being out in the woods. But on this hike day, I had slept later than I wanted to and had somewhere to be early in the afternoon. My window had shrunk to two and a half hours. I felt rushed before I even started and wondered how in the world I was going to be able to enjoy myself on Week 34’s ramble.

But as I drove to the trailhead, I decided to take some of my own advice and come up with a better question. “I wonder what my fastest time on the trail would be if I really pushed?” That question made me feel excited. It would be like a race!

I had to chuckle as I pulled into a parking spot 20 minutes later…there were trail runners with numbers on their backs heading down the same path I was about to take. As it turned out, Baltimore Road Runners Club was actually hosting a 50K trail race on my weekly loop that very morning. You might call it a coincidence; I call it God having a sense of humor.

Week 34 Race Start

11:39am – Crossed the “start” line

The race was on. I wasn’t running, but I was walking at a speed I usually reserve for the gym when I’m trying to impress my trainer. The first hill comes in the first five minutes, so it wasn’t long before I was breathing hard and feeling the burn in my quads. I’d run a handful of 5Ks and a couple half marathons in years past, and I knew that in order to successfully meet the challenge I had set for myself, I was going to have to pace myself. I was going to have to slow down when the terrain got steep or rocky; I was going to have to stop and rest if my breathing got too ragged, and I was going to have to stay hydrated.

I thought about how the concept of pacing myself applied to my forays into the dating world. I can say that almost every time I’ve started a foot race, I’ve started out too fast. Something about the excitement of the event and the adrenaline that comes with it would always have me running at a pace that wasn’t sustainable for the entire distance.

I’ve done the same thing in terms of dating. The first time I fell in love, I let it take me over. Over just a few weeks, I went from having some semblance of balance in my life to spending every free moment with my new boyfriend. We were ALWAYS together. There was no “courting”; we rarely went on actual dates, so instead of slowly getting to know each other and discovering each other’s character over time, we dove in head-first. I can’t speak for the guy, but I definitely became the picture of co-dependency. Of course, spending all this time with the guy meant I had zero time for my friends (who thankfully, were still there when this relationship crashed and burned about year later). All my hobbies and interests went by the wayside and I completely lost who I was.

What can I say? It was my first time seriously dating…I had no frame of reference for how to “do” love. I look back at my 18-year-old self with compassion and am just thankful that I learned my lesson after that relationship ended.

Or not.

12:06pm – Reached the spot where I take the same picture every week

Of course the problem is that the feeling of being in love is like the adrenaline at the start of a race.

I didn’t start dating again for two and a half years. I just knew I would get it right this time. But as it turned out I failed once again to pace myself, this time in the area of physical intimacy.

Week 34 Honeysuckle

CAVEAT: In my belief system, sex outside of marriage isn’t what God intended. I get that not everyone holds that view; this is just something that for me is something I strive to live by.  This is a judgment-free zone!  And now back to your regularly scheduled program…

Unfortunately, with this guy, I had a hard time figuring out where the line of “too far” was when it came to being physical. We started getting physical on our first date and before I knew it, I was facing the downside of awakening love “before the time is right” (Song of Solomon 8:4). At the time I would never had considered myself a “tease” – I had been up front right away about my “no sex before marriage” beliefs – but in retrospect, as we experienced more and more tension because I wanted to stop and he didn’t, I don’t blame the guy for suddenly ending things at all. Actions are louder than words much?

12:28pm – Reached the turn onto the Panther Branch Trail

I’d like to be able to write that after that, I figured out the right way to do things and had nothing but dating success for ever after.

But I can’t.

In some way or another, looking back on all my dating experiences, I could point to at least one way in which I moved too fast at the start. It’s that “in love” feeling! It feels so good! It’s exciting, thrilling, exhilarating…it laughs at my good intentions and lessons learned. “This is awesome!” it says. “Full speed ahead…no need to slow down!” And it’s great, until my legs give out and my lungs are on fire.

Which is about how I was feeling at this point in my hike…

12:58pm – Reached the top of the meadow

In a foot race, I start out too fast towards the finish line. In dating, it’s towards intimacy.

Week 34 Race TrailI’m not talking physical intimacy; I’m talking I-know-your-soul-and-you-know-mine-and-you-still-love-me intimacy. It’s always been that connection I’ve craved, and I’ve tried to rush it in one way or another just about every time…whether it was not keeping a healthy balance in my life, losing my sense of identity, or crossing the physical line in ways that I wish I hadn’t. (That’s a whole different blog post…stay tuned!)

There’s nothing wrong with wanting the connection…I truly believe God designed us to crave it. Of course only He can fulfill that desire for true connection and intimacy, because only He truly knows my every thought, every good or bad thing I’ve ever done, and STILL for some reason loves me and blesses me in uncountable ways.

But there is the fact that it’s also nice to build connection with someone who has skin on. And at my age, I want to savor every step of that process…not rush it in any way. I want to pace myself so that I can get to the finish line of a relationship where I enjoy true intimacy with another human being…not the illusion of intimacy that physical activity can generate.

1:20pm – FINISH LINE!

My plan next time around is to have my running buddies around me to help me keep pace. This means close friends who know me well, who love me, and who I trust for valuable wisdom and guidance. It means cultivating my relationship with God by spending lots of time with Him. And it means finding a guy who is most comfortable running at the same pace I am.

I’m guessing not everyone that reads this has struggled in this same way, but hopefully you will find something that resonates with you in this post. If so, I’d love to hear about it! Shoot me a comment, or if you’d like to talk about this concept more, why not schedule a free session with me so we can really dive in?

And as always, HAVE A GREAT WEEK!!!

P.S. If you are the first person to correctly identify the plant in the picture that appears after 12:06pm, I will PayPal you $5.  After hours of searching on the interwebs, I’ve had no luck.

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