It finally happened on my Week 32 hike!  It was SPRING!  High near 70, sunny, breezy, perfect.  The flowers were blooming, the birds were singing, and the river was sparkling.  I would have really enjoyed myself if I wasn’t coming off a fresh wave of DISCOURAGEMENT.

To me, discouragement is the one of the scariest feelings I can have…because it’s the one feeling that tempts me the most to give up.  Give up trying to grow my walk with God, give up trying to develop my art skills, and most relevant lately, give up trying to have a healthy relationship with food.

I know, I know, this is a blog about being single.  But for me, a lot of the work I have to do around my thoughts on my singleness is related to the number that pops up on the scale when I step on it each morning.  And here’s the thing: It doesn’t seem to matter if I’m trying to lose weight, stick to a budget, or learn how to golf.  With every challenge, my brain tries to find a quick, easy and permanent solution to whatever it is I’m struggling with.  And when I say permanent, I mean I won’t have to worry about it ever again.

With my eating, that looks like this:  My brain keeps trying to come up with a thought that evaporates all temptation to ever put something in my body that isn’t good for it.  Once I find that golden thought, I figure, I’ll be able to control my eating without struggle, shedding extra pounds with ease and keeping them off forever.

It’s the “without struggle” part that becomes problematic.  Because my pattern has been:

1. Find a new thought and get all excited about how NOW I’m finally on the road to permanent weight loss.
2. Have two or three great weeks where it feels easy to control myself around food.
3. Have a bad day at work and feel the temptation to throw my self-control out the window.

Here is where the feeling of struggling creeps back up…and I start to think maybe this new thought isn’t the end-all, be-all thought I was hoping it would turn out to be.

So I toss it.

4. NOW I’ve just proved to myself more that I will never be able to change.  That nothing will work for me.
5. Enter my good old friend DISCOURAGEMENT.

Discouragement helpfully points out that clearly there’s no point in trying.  I’ll never achieve my goal, so why continue to expend energy going after something I’ll never have?

I wallow right about there for weeks on end before finally being faced with the fast-approaching need to buy a bunch of clothes in a bigger size.  Then I panic and start the cycle all over again, this time with a new “fix-it-all” thought.

Do you see the problem?

I need to adjust my expectations.  To know that no one thought or concept is going to be the answer to everything.  To know that I’m in process…a process that includes falling flat on my face now and again.  I need to take every day one day at a time and celebrate every good food choice as a victory.  When I make a bad choice, I just need to get right back up on my feet again with my very next meal and start again.

I need to toss DISCOURAGEMENT.

Have you been seeing a similar pattern in terms of your singleness?  Maybe it’s that you found a new dating site that you were sure would be the last one you would ever have to sign up for.  Or you finally got a date with that cute guy you’ve had your eye on for months.

Then it turns out that dating site has all the same guys you’ve been seeing on all the other dating sites.  Or that date with that cute guy goes right in the toilet when he gets up to use the men’s room, sneaks out the door and leaves you with the check.

Does that mean you give up?  I sure hope not. All giving up does is guarantee you won’t achieve your goal.  And that’s why discouragement is so darn destructive.  It takes failure, which is simply an opportunity to learn or improve, and turns it into a reason not to try.  Don’t let your brain confuse the two.

Because at the end of the day, I believe failing is just part of the process.  Discouragement doesn’t have to be.

I’d love to hear from you…let me know what you think!  And have an awesome week!