Week 27!  Mid-50’s and rainy…and nary a spring flower in sight.  I have to confess I was not looking forward to today’s hike…I’m getting tired of looking at the same old winter landscape and really would’ve rather sat this one out. “How can I get this hike over with as quickly as possible?”  I asked myself as I set foot on the trail.  I was viewing it as a chore instead of something to enjoy.

A better question would’ve been: “What interesting thing can I see/notice on my hike today?” The difference?  The first question drove me to go as fast as I could, yanking Kirby away from every new smell he wanted to stop and savor.  I felt annoyed and stressed.  The second question changed my mood instantaneously.  I felt expectant and excited.  And the rest of the hike was a lot more enjoyable for me as a result.

What made me realize I was asking a less-than-stellar question?  About 20 minutes into the hike, I saw a bald eagle winging his (or her) way down the river, majestic as could be.  I don’t always get to see the eagles, and I hadn’t seen any since December.  So it felt special.  And it sparked the question:  what else could I see if I just look? Our brains are pretty sensational at trying to answer the questions we come up with.  My brain went right to work coming up with ways to speed up and/or shorten my hike.  But once I asked the second question, it switched gears…and went to work looking at my surroundings with new eyes.  For instance, I’ve walked past this particular tree at least a hundred times…and never noticed that it is literally wedded to the rock next to it.  When a group of six Canadian geese flew just over my head, I stopped to just listen to the sound of their wings beating the air and it was an amazing sound.  The spring peepers are adding their voices to the chorus in the woods these days, and Kirby and I just sat and enjoyed their rather loud and high-pitched serenade.

The power of a better question couldn’t be more relevant to those of us who are single.  If we are continually asking ourselves why we are still single, our brains will start coming up with reasons…we’re too fat, we’re not funny enough, we don’t deserve love, blah, blah, blah.  But if we change the question around to something more positive, like “How can I make my singleness more fun?”  or “How can I meet more people?”, our brains will get right to work trying to come up with ideas!

It’s important to get the difference a question can make in terms of the way we feel.  A question like “why doesn’t anyone ask me out?” is a dead-end question.  Your brain will answer it with thoughts that I am willing to bet will make you feel like crap (seriously, is there a good answer to that question?).  Whereas a question like “What’s a new activity I could try where I could meet other single folks?”  will have your brain scrambling to Google a fun meetup, or research local hiking groups, or sign up to volunteer at Habitat for Humanity once a month.  It answers the question with thoughts like “I could meet someone in a road runners’ group” or “I could learn how to sail and meet some really interesting people in the process”.  These kind of thoughts make us feel anticipation and excitement instead of despair and discouragement.

So ask yourself:  what kinds of questions are you asking your brain about your singleness?  Do they spur you on to live every day with joy and anticipation?  Or are they dead end questions that leave you feeling hopeless? If the latter, try coming up with a better question.  If it’s a struggle to do so, why not take advantage of a free session with me and we’ll see what we can come up with together?  A better question has the power to change your life, so don’t wait another minute! Let me know what you come up with in the Comments section below…who knows, your “better question” may be just what someone else needs to hear.