Well, here we are at Week 20 of my 52-week hiking challenge. To celebrate, the Lord decided that it was time for Baltimore to get the most snow in recorded history in a 24-hour period. The picture above was taken on Sunday, the day AFTER the snow stopped. All the hiking I would be doing would be from my front door to my truck carrying a snow shovel.
It’s not like I’m shocked it happened. I figured there would be a few weeks where hiking was physically impossible…so my initial promise to myself to hike 52 weeks in a row NO MATTER WHAT…well, not worth the paper (or cyberspace) I wrote it on (in). 
The problem with my promise is that it depends on me having TOTAL CONTROL over my circumstances. And much as I’d like that to be true…I learn time and time again (sometimes in really surprising ways!) that it isn’t.
I’ve realized over the years that almost 100% of my stress ultimately is rooted in my lack of being able to control things: people, the weather, time, and Kirby, to name a few. When I can’t control these things, reality tends to fail to meet my expectations. My thoughts about those unmet expectations tend to make me feel frustrated/angry/resentful/annoyed…the list of emotions goes on. They usually aren’t positive.
When it comes to a really big snowstorm though, I usually don’t get too annoyed. I actually find it relieving. There’s literally NOTHING any of us can do about it. We are, as a collective group of people living in the affected geographic area, forced to STOP. It doesn’t matter if you’re the mayor of Baltimore or just little ol’ me. In my case, I didn’t feel guilty for not keeping my promise this week. There was not a darn thing I could do about it. I didn’t let myself down…snow just happened.
I wonder how many times in other situations we make ourselves feel lousy for things that are beyond our control. It might not be as obvious as 36″ of snow burying your car, but it can be just as uncontrollable, especially in the dating world. We can’t MAKE someone like us. We can’t MAKE Mr. or Mrs. Right appear on cue. We can’t MAKE someone want to go on a second (or third, etc.) date with us.
If I base my happiness on being able to make a relationship happen, I am going to be one very unhappy girl. Trust me, I’ve tried more times than I’ve cared to count.
Does this mean I don’t take personal responsibility for how I show up on a dating website or in a relationship? Absolutely not. But at the end of the day, if I have conducted myself with integrity, in a way that I am at peace with and that honors my spiritual beliefs…then that is what I want my happiness to hinge on. Basing my happiness on someone’s response to who I am when I am being my authentic self…that’s just asking for trouble.
In this way, each person you come into contact with (in the dating world or otherwise) is like a giant snowstorm. NOT under your control. We might think we should be able to influence what they think or feel in a way that benefits us, but at the end of the day there are a million thoughts of their own swirling around in their heads…their own history, their own baggage, their own likes and dislikes…and they have their own decision to make about what thoughts to keep and what thoughts to throw out.
I write this to encourage you…next time someone decides not to take your relationship a step further, or not to respond to your Smile on Christian Mingle, don’t take it personally. The other person is as uncontrollable as a monster snowstorm.
I will leave you with the Serenity Prayer, which has been around since the 1930’s. I’m sure you’ve heard it many times, but it’s worth a repeat:
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
