Aaahhh, Week 30!  A balmy Spring day in April!

Not.  More like wind chills in the 20’s, but hey, it was sunny!  And eventually it got a little warmer.  The wind was pretty strong though…I was actually a bit nervous about tree branches (or whole trees) coming down on top of me, but I escaped unscathed.  It got me thinking, though, about the many uprooted trees I see every week along the trail…and how they’re a pretty darn good metaphor for how if our belief systems are rotten or rooted in unstable ground, they can bring us down the same way.

Last week I wrote about how a belief is just a thought you think over and over again (thank you, Brooke Castillo, for coming up with a simple definition I can remember!).  This week I want to talk more about why it’s worth really looking at what you believe about yourself…because it’s your foundation for how you show up in your life.

I mentioned that some of my negative beliefs about my singleness include the assumption that since I’m not married yet, I probably never will be, that a guy couldn’t find me attractive, that I don’t have time or I’m too set in my ways…blah, blah, blah.

Here’s why beliefs like that don’t serve me:  they simply reinforce themselves by creating additional evidence that they are true instead of giving me the tools I need to create evidence that they are a load of crap.

Wanna know how I show up when I’m clinging to these unhelpful beliefs?  Let’s take a singles group tubing trip my church arranged a couple years ago as an example.  There was a guy there about my age who I found attractive and genuinely liked as a person.  So what did I do?  Did I flirt with him or encourage him to view me as a potential date?  Hell, no!  I did the exact opposite!  I did and said things to insure that he could never think I might be interested in him!

This included:

1. Never making eye contact
2. Steering clear of him (literally) on the river
3. Staying quiet and super self-conscious
4. Not encouraging conversation between the two of us

Guess what?

We never went out. We’re still just friends…acquaintances really…and today he’s happily married with two kids.

Now I’m not saying I missed out on my one and only chance for happiness…I truly believe if the Lord had it in mind for he and I to end up together, He would’ve given me a serious attitude correction.  But I am saying that this story represents a pattern of how I act in situations where I am meeting and/or interacting with single guys. I radiate the wrong kind of energy…at least the wrong kind if I ever want to get married.

“TIM-BERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!”

(I’ve always wondered why people yell that as a tree falls…why not “Fore!”  or “Look out!”?)

Anyway. Good thing I’ve come up with new thoughts to think over and over again.  Like, being single now doesn’t rule out the chance I’ll get married later.  The right guy will like the way the Lord made me look.  And oh, yeah, I am constantly evolving, so “stuck in my ways” doesn’t apply.

The more I think them, the more these thoughts start to replace my old belief system.  I find myself showing up in group situations where there are single guys feeling more confident, free to be myself, not afraid to encourage conversation, and generally not acting like a standoffish beeyotch.  And gosh darn it, I actually have fun!  I’ll have to keep you posted on the getting married part…keep in mind I am a work in progress!!!  But I am enjoying growing a whole new root system…one that is planted in the solid ground of Scriptural truth, solid wisdom and guidance from trusted loved ones, and a willingness to surprise myself.

So.  Do your beliefs about yourself serve you?  Or are they a rotted root system planted in a swamp?  Do you let yourself shine when you’re out in the world, or do you hide your light under a bushel, as they say?  If you find yourself not showing up as your best self in the potential dating world, ask yourself what you are thinking that’s causing you to hold back.  What do you believe about yourself?

Now ask yourself if that belief is even true.  Better yet, sign up for a free introductory session with me and I’ll ask you.  Taking your thoughts out of your head and looking at them with someone who is not trapped in your brain can be super eye-opening!

Let me know your thoughts in the Comments section below and, as always, have a great week!