WEEK 33 was possibly the most gorgeous one yet! The weather was even more perfect and there were flowers everywhere…such a joy to spend time in the woods on a day like that. I had a lot to think about too…my blog last week on discouragement opened the proverbial container of squirming hermaphroditic organisms in my brain and I wanted to explore a bit more this week on the topic. Because what I realized is that sometimes I actually indulge in discouragement.

I feel it, I know it’s there and I know what it is…and instead of banishing it, I invite it in to stay awhile.

“Haven’t you read the post you wrote last week?” you ask. “Discouragement is the WORST! It can result in you giving up!”

Glad to see you were paying attention! And yes, that’s exactly why I invite discouragement to stay. Because then I give myself permission to give up and relieve myself of the obligation to try.

This whole concept of indulging in feelings I supposedly don’t want to feel was super convicting when I first learned about it.  And it turns out I’ve done it often.  Looking back, I can say that every time I’ve indulged in one negative feeling, it was to avoid potentially feeling another negative feeling:

– I indulged in DOUBT before I signed up to get my life coach certification…I let DOUBT hold me back from signing up for training for three years after first feeling the urge to try…all in an attempt to avoid potentially feeling DISAPPOINTMENT if I failed

– I indulge in DISCOURAGEMENT any time I don’t feel like acting like an adult when it comes to my relationship with food.  That way I don’t have to try and I completely avoid feeling whatever feeling it is that I am trying to cover up with junk food

– And sometimes I indulge in SHAME about my body when I think about the possibility of a romantic relationship because it stops me from risking HURT feelings were I to experience rejection in the dating world

I could go on, but you get the point, right?  In every case, I go for the “sure thing” negative feeling as opposed to risking a “potential” negative feeling.  But in the process, I guarantee that I’ll never have the chance to experience a potential positive feeling.

– I would never have felt PROUD or ACCOMPLISHED for getting my life coach certification

– I’ll never feel whatever feeling it is I’m trying to cover up with food, so I’ll never ultimately deal with whatever is causing it

– I’ll never feel all the EXCITEMENT and HAPPINESS that comes with starting a new relationship

So dumb.

At the end of the day, indulging in any negative feeling to avoid potentially feeling another negative feeling just ends up limiting you in one way or another.

Are there areas in terms of your singleness where you are indulging in a negative feeling as a way of protecting yourself?  Maybe your indulgent feeling is OVERWHELM or HOPELESSNESS or UNWORTHINESS.  Any or all of these three can keep you from ultimately putting yourself out there.  At the very least, they feel crappy.  If you had a choice between feeling overwhelmed or peaceful, hopeless or hopeful, worthless or worthy, my guess is you would choose the latter in all three cases.

So why not call these “indulged-in” feelings out for what they are?  They are stopping you from living life…from showing up fully…from giving yourself every chance to experience all the amazing things your time on this planet has to show you.

Here’s a few questions that will help you suss out those indulgent feelings and “uninvite” them from that head of yours:

1. What thoughts or beliefs are you carrying around that cause you to feel discouraged / doubtful / shamed / overwhelmed / hopeless / worthless?  Time to dust off the handy-dandy truth-test.  Because chances are you’ll find that those underlying thoughts or beliefs are simply not true.
2. When you indulge in the negative thought, what do you end up doing?  Quitting?  Hiding?  Nothing at all?  None of those things are all that helpful when it comes to striving for something.  Sometimes just looking at the cause-and-effect relationship between our indulgent thoughts and our resulting actions can add up to a serious wake-up call.
3. What would your life look like without the indulged-in feeling?  Imagine if I never suffered discouragement in my quest to build a healthy relationship with food.  If I had a bad day, I would just automatically get up and try again the next day.  Weeks of giving up would be a thing of the past.  Eventually, I would reach my goal.  Now, imagine you without shame.  Feeling valued.  Experiencing the emotion of hopeful excitement at what the day holds for you.  What would that “you” look like?  How would your life be different?
4. Would you be willing to try doing without the indulged-in feeling for a day?  A week?  A month?  Seriously, what do you have to lose by not letting that feeling hold sway in your brain for 24-hours?

Are you with me?  Let’s DO this, people!  Let’s identify the thoughts that stop us from being everything God gave us the potential to be and put them in their place…which is right down the garbage disposal.

Leave me a comment below and let me know what you come up with!!!!  And in the meantime, get out there and enjoy some SPRING!