Look a little closer.  Yes, that’s SNOW on those leaves.  In the picture I took on April 10th.  I could complain about Spring taking it’s sweet old time arriving, but that would be arguing with reality, so why bother?  And in truth, it was a GORGEOUS day…a long-sleeved running shirt was plenty warm and Kirby and I actually spent some time just laying in the meadow, looking at the clouds.

It was a good hike.  I felt good.  But that wasn’t necessarily going to be the case based on the Thursday I had this past week.

It’s that time of year where my department scrambles to prepare quarterly reports on performance to the chief executives of the company I work for.  My analysts and I spend weeks researching and preparing reports, and then we meet with senior management and talk to them about how our portfolio of real estate assets is looking for the quarter.  My job vis a vis that meeting is to ensure the integrity and accuracy of all of our reporting and have additional information easily accessible should more detailed questions arise.

We had prepped well and I felt good going into the meeting.  We were about halfway through the portfolio when that changed. One of the execs turned to me and asked an accounting question about one of our assets.  I hesitated – accounting is not my area and the question he had asked was not something I could answer.  He noted my hesitation and said “Well, isn’t that why you’re here?  To look stuff up?”

Ten little words.  Without context, I’m sure you’re wondering what point I’m trying to make with this story.  With the context I carry around in my brain, here’s what I made those ten words mean:

“You add no value except to sit here and look things up on a computer like a glorified secretary.”

I felt belittled.  Devalued.  Put in my place.  Unappreciated.  ANGRY.

I sat there and fumed for the rest of the meeting.  After the meeting was over, I went back to my office and closed my door and sulked.  I didn’t join my employees for our usual celebratory happy hour after work that evening.  I went home and felt LOUSY.

Even with my coach training, it took me a couple hours to own the fact that the way I felt was entirely my choice.  For some reason, I was choosing to feel angry and upset instead of unperturbed about the incident.  All because I made the exec’s words mean something hurtful.

Now, I could cite you TONS of reasons why it made sense for me to take his statement that way, from our 21 years of work history together to the fact that a number of the meeting attendees took his comment the same way I initially did.  More than one person stopped by my office the next day to tell me how shitty they thought it was that the exec said what he said.

Thankfully by that time, I had decided to feel better.  I had decided to stop indulging in feelings of hurt and anger, and start feeling peaceful, happy and valued.

How’d I turn it around?  I came up with some new thoughts to think about the situation that were true and felt better to think.  Thoughts like:

1. My relationship with the exec has gotten much better, even fun in recent years.
2. I’ve been known to say something trying to be funny, and realizing in retrospect that it wasn’t funny at all. Could be the exec found himself in the same situation.
3. I have a lot of evidence to support that both he and the rest of the executive team value my work very highly.
4. The exec’s words didn’t change how hard I’d worked, or how accurate our reports were, or how important they were to the company as a whole.  The work and the reports are what they are.

Aaaaahhhhh….that feels so much better.  Why I chose to indulge in feeling offended and angry instead of letting the comment roll right off my back is a question for another blog post.  Today what I want to illustrate is the fact that we ALL have a choice about what we let other people’s words mean, and subsequently, how we end up feeling.

This couldn’t be more relevant in the world of singleness.  Take that relative who keeps saying things like “You should be married by now.”  You could let this statement mean you are deficient in some way.   Or you could remind yourself that “should” is a dirty word and that your relative cannot possibly know what is best for you…only God can.

Or how about the voice of that ex-boyfriend in your head…the one who told you that a certain outfit wasn’t your best look or that you should exercise more and lay off the Ho-Ho’s.  Seriously?  HE knows what’s best for you?  He’s not even around now!  So you could make his words mean that you won’t find love unless you are thin, OR you could remind yourself that he is one human being with a personal opinion you may or may not agree with.

Once again, I feel like I am writing myself right down the rabbit hole…there is so much to explore here…but the point this week is this:  YOU and you alone decide what people’s words to you or about you mean.  You decide whether to give them weight or not.  Whether to make assumptions about that person’s motives in a positive or negative way.  Whether you want to feel lousy…or amazing.

This is one of my favorite concepts…and it was hard for me to really buy it at first, but the more I practiced it, the more I realized how true – and how powerful – it is.

Keep an eye out this week…if you find yourself in a situation where you are feeling hurt or upset by something someone says, see what other options you have for interpreting their words.  How do each of those options make you feel?  Why choose any option that makes you feel crappy when better-feeling options are equally valid?

I’d love to hear your examples of turnaround thoughts you found useful this week!  Use the Comments section below to share them or ask any questions you might have about this concept.  If you have a particular issue you want help with using this technique, why not sign up for a free session with me to see how it works?

And let’s see if we can get through this week without any snow…